I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
