no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
