Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
