weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
