Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
