It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
