So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
