My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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