my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
