this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
