Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
