I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
zippers are such a cool invention
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
