Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
