I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
