whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
