I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
