All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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