I smell stomach acid.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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