It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
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