Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
