Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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