the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish I only lived at night.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
