this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
