If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
