yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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