if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
