i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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