How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
