so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
