P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
