We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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