Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
