Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
