I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
