Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
