ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
