You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
