you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
