Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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