you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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