Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
