So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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