I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
