Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
