You can't motorboat a personality
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
