I need to stop coming to work sober
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
