i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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