i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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