shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
