My first STD was from a foam party
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
