have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
