girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
