Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
