Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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