he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
