just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
