I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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